Ah, my public, we meet again. As usual, I apologise profusely for my marked lack of entries in recent months; it seems impossible for me to write on Melo for any extended period of time. In any case, here I am, albeit sick and exhausted, to greet my adoring fans and allow them to bask in my unending glory. (To be fair, the previous statement is most likely an egregious exaggeration.)
But let's get down to business, shall we? The most important thing to know about my life at present is that I am a student at the California Polytechnic University of Pomona as an English major, although those who have been following my entries as of late were already aware of that. (To explain the title of this entry, for those of you not in the know, CPP stands for Cal Poly Pomona.) I am currently enrolled in three classes (12 units): Freshman English II (having earned 5's on both English AP tests, I was allowed to progress), French I, and Advocacy and Argument (which is something akin to the rudiments of Debate). Although this is only the first quarter of my first year in college, I am doing swimmingly: English presents no great challenge, as the professor has rather low expectations, disappointingly enough; I have always found language to come naturally to me, and French is no exception; and having been in Debate for two years has acquainted me with the theory of speech, thus preparing me quite well for Advocacy and Argument.
Next quarter I intend to take four classes (for a total of 16 units): Survey of British Literature II, Survey of American Literature I, French II, and Introduction to Philosophy. (I had planned on taking Astronomy, to get my science out of the way, but apparently it isn't offered this quarter. Blast!) I've worked out a tentative schedule, which you see below.
Monday/Wednesday:
1:00-2:05 - French II
4:00-5:50 - Survey of American Literature I
Tuesday/Thursday:
1:00-2:50 - Introduction to Philosophy
3:00-4:50 - Survey of British Literature II
Friday:
1:00-2:05 - French II
I have procured a part-time job for myself at the Carl's Jr. in Cal Poly's food court; although I began as a lowly burger assembler (mindless, menial, hectic work that makes your fingers smell like Thousand Island sauce for weeks), I have been promoted to cashier (not much less mindless, but certainly less menial and hectic, and I have always enjoyed dealing with customers). Minimum wage ($6.75) for twenty hours a week isn't much to speak of, but it's better than nothing. I enjoy my job, for the most part, as it serves as a learning experience, if nothing else.
Perhaps the most amusing aspect of finding a job at any of America's prestigious fast food establishments is the training video. Now, to be fair, I cannot accurately speak of any other "restaurants" than Carl's Jr., but I strongly suspect that it is universal. Before I could begin working, I was forced to sit through two hours of an unholy marriage between a children's show and an infomercial. Special effects, strange accents, costumed characters, and mediocre rap routines peppered each tutorial, which began with two good-looking people with apparently fixed smiles entering and introducing themselves gregariously:
"Hi! I'm Steve." (Imagine Troy McClure in the flesh.)
"And I'm Sidney." (Ms. McClure, if you will.)
"And we're here to tell you just how great Carl's Jr. is and how incredibly lucky you are to be working for such a time-honored establishment."
"Because you've been picked! You're winners! Give yourselves a round of applause." [Cue cheesy sound clip of canned applause.]
[Cue vomiting.]
I'm not entirely certain why corporate Carl's Jr. felt it necessary to take a page from Sesame Street, but in any case it was not a pretty sight. Another funny thing about the videos: the moment that I stepped into the kitchen and began burger assembly, most of the "steadfast rules" laid down in the video were promptly thrown out the window. "What's that? You want to use tongs to handle patties? Nah, you can just use your hands." But fret not: as much as I loathe to admit it, the fast food industry is not quite as incompetent as I believed. I haven't seen a single worker spit into a burger!
In other news, I have been spending much of my time (and most of my money) in the Cal Poly Game Room. After mastering Time Crisis II and becoming proficient at Soul Calibur II, I gave Dance Dance Revolution a try:
"Hello, my name is Eric, and I'm a DDR-aholic."
That's right, I, Eric Jeffus, O Rhythmless One of the Two Left Feet, am addicted to DDR. And, perhaps most surprisingly, I don't suck at it! I'm actually quite good, from what I understand. Who would've thunk, huh? (As far as addictions are concerned, I have also developed a physical dependency on Pepsi Blue. Do you think that's healthy?)
What else is there to know about the status quo? I am working on my latest story, "The Conflagration of the Fripperies" (the first two chapters of which are posted on this very page), and reading voraciously. For the time being, however, I really should get to sleep. I need to wake up in a scant five hours and fifteen minutes, and I still have a load of laundry to finish before tomorrow morning. (Later this morning, rather.)
Until next we meet, I bid you farewell. Au revoir, tout le monde!
[Exit Orpheum.]